Moving & Memories

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind- mostly caused by the sale of our house. Yes, after 15 months on the market, our house finally sold. But despite the excitement surrounding a move to a new house, it was a lot of work crammed into a few short days.

In my idealistic mind, I imagined Erica and I packing the moving truck, locking up the house one last time, concluded by an emotional embrace and kiss as we drove away from the old house. Instead, we packed boxes for weeks, cleaned and painted some rooms in the new house, moved the furniture out of the old house in a freezing rain/snowstorm, and ended up needing 2 trips with the moving truck. There was no emotion- only choas.

Later that night I stopped by the old house one last time to walk through it, vacuum a little from the carpet, and leave my keys. Then the emotions arrived. I realized that I spent almost eight years of my life living there. We brought our first child home to that house. I was instantly flooded with a wave of memories all created within those walls. Laughter. Tears. Family. Arguments. Friends. Birthday parties. It had been a good home, a great place to live life. But now my voice echoed as the words bounced off bare walls and empty rooms. The place was cold, dry and lifeless. It was no longer a home, but just a house. And I realized: I would most likely never step foot in this place again. I would walk out the door and probably never return. I mourned that reality and wondered how I would recreate those memories in my mind while living in a different house? It was always so easy to remember Olivia climbing, bouncing, and laughing on her Bounce-and-Spin-Zebra when I could sit in front of the exact spot where it happened. So would I lose the impact of those memories? And then I think God spoke to me. I realized that my memories are special not because they are connected to a location, but because they involve people. And those people will go with me to wherever home might be. Erica, Olivia, other family members, and all of our friends are the best ingredients of our favorite memories. Houses come and go; people do not.

So I left my key on the counter, hit the garage door opener one last time, got in my car, and drove across town . . . to home.

No Excuses, No Explanations

It has been a while since I have shared a few thoughts- sorry about that. And in honor of today's topic, I will just keep going without anything more about that.

I can't promise that this will be the last Tony Dungy post, but it might be. There is at least one more life lesson I picked up from coach Dungy in his book, Quiet Strength. He shares that he taught his players this lesson- which eventually became a mantra for his teams: "Whatever it takes. NO excuses. NO explanations." I believe he even created a poster and hung it above the entrance to the Colts' locker room at the RCA dome. In his book, Tony describes how we often deal with failure by offering excuses or explanations.

I have done it. You have done it. "Well, I just so tired. It was a long week. I just can't get it right." Funny how our excuses often start with, "Well . . ." or "I just . . ." It is almost like we are grasping for something rational to make ourselves and others feel better about our failure.

Now the explanation option is more difficult. Explanations are thought out, reasonable responses to failure. And when they make sense, we often feel justified. But what if we stopped offering explanations and just owned up to our failures? We might spend a lot more time looking toward the future.

I think people might like us more, too.

So here we go: Whatever it takes! No excuses! No explanations!

"Quiet Strength" - Will it make the situation better?

As you now know, I learned a lot from coach Dungy in his book, Quiet Strength. I hope to acquire a copy of his next book, Uncommon very soon.

Another theme from the book that struck me personally was a lesson Tony learned from his dad and tries to follow in his own life. Whenever life was unfair or difficult, and Tony or one of his siblings was tempted to strike back in anger or frustration, his dad would reply, "Will it make the situation better?" As you can imagine, life in the NFL brings many opportunities to express frustration and anger.

Tony writes, "I don't often lose my cool with officials. Whenever I start, I usually hear my dad's voice asking me, "Will it make the situation better?" I've learned that while it may feel good to vent, it's better to listen to my dad's wisdom and rely on quiet strength instead."

I see two key ingredients in this difficult life lesson. First, it deals with the deception of feelings and emotions. Second, it encourages us to think less of ourselves and more of others. Let me expound on these for a minute.

The subject of emotions and feelings is a difficult one for me. I don't show much emotion. Unlike Chandler Bing, I am not dead inside; I feel emotion, but I don't often show them. I don't know if this is good or bad, but I think there must be a balance between epxressing some, but not all, of what I am feeling. Emotions are tricky little buggers because we can and we can't control them. Imagine this scenario: the phone rings and upon answering it, I receive some really bad news. Instantly I feel a random combination of sadness, disappointment, fear, and even anger. Those feelings rush through me and I can't not feel them. (And I believe that anyone who tells me that I can control how I feel is lying to me.) However, I can control what happens next. I might want to punch a wall as an expression of anger or cry as an exprssion of sadness. And at that point, I do have a choice. I can control how I respond to the emotions I am experiencing. I don't have to punch the wall!!! (And I believe that anyone who tells me that I can't control my reponses is really just deceiving themselves and excusing their own bad behavior.)

The tricky business of emotions is that the feeling of negative emotions is almost always followed by the temptation to respond in a bad way. Then I naturally assume that that since I can't control my feelings, I also can't control my reponse to these feeelings. However, as coach Dungy shares here- YES, I CAN CONTROL MY RESPONSE TO THE EMOTIONS I AM EXPERIENCING! (I wrote that in all caps for myself- not to preach to you)

The insight I gained from this lesson is that our normal response to difficult situations is to please ourselves. When I feel sad, I want to cry so that I feel better. When I am happy, it just feels good to smile. These examples are not bad, but let's be honest: these are self-pleasing actions. When I feel angry with someone- I am tempted to scream and yell back at them- but I am really doing it to make myself feel better. Coach Dungy's father encouraged him to step back, think less of himself, and look at the situation. Rather than exchanging tit for tat, jab for jab, and hurt for hurt (and essentially make the situation worse), Wil Dungy enouraged his children to forego their own need for relief and respond in a way to heal the relationship or at least push the situation in a better direction.

Wow- another life lesson for me. When I am in a difficult situation, experiencing some negative emotions, and feeling like adding to the negativity, the challenge is to stop and ask myself, "What can I do to make the situation better?"

So here we go. Maybe sometime I post an update of how that is going.

Polar Bear Plunge

"Sure, I'll do it"

Nice Weather

hey, there's a guy with a plunger on his head!

Oh, I get it.

dressing room (tent)

"How's the water?"

"Uh, cold."

"Group #26, here we go!"

Run, Larry

Bad DJ

"Insane in the membrane . . . insane in the brain"

memories . . . of high school

memories . . . in the making

"In this group, Chillin for the Lord"

Yeah, we're chillin all right

"I'll hold your towel"

"Three!"

Oh, we are starting.

"Two!"

No time to back out now

"One"

What did I get myself into?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!

splashing

chilly

knee-deep

like, coldest water ever!

Dive now

all the way under!

Swim

Are you crazy?

Can't

Must get out of water

Just run the rest of the way

Crazy diving patrol guy- really wants a high-five

Keep running

Am I really breathing?

I am glad I'm not a fish
Keep running

high five

turn around

long way to the beach

Keep running

lots of shoes floating near shore

I didn't lose my shorts did I?

Would I know it if I did?

Can't feel my legs

Can you say cold?

land!!!!!

towel!

stabbing

knives in the calves

prickly pears

barely breathing
pins and needles all over

crazy kind of pain

Nice day- cold water

That was kind of fun!

morons

Wow- I am cold

dry clothes

hot coffee

Picture with the team

Ah, yeah- chillin!

Let's go home!

The Pastor/Coach- "Do What We Do"

For Christmas, I received, a copy of "Quiet Strength," a memoir written by Tony Dungy, former head coach of the Indianapolis Colts. I liked the title, for I am also pretty quiet, and I liked the author- for whom I have a lot of respect. And in my quest to understand my job as pastor/coach, I thought I might learn something from coach Dungy.


One of the themes repeated in the book is Tony's mantra, "Do what we do!" When the Bucaneers were playing a championship-caliber team, he would encourage his guys to play their game, just as they had practiced, and "do what we do." Whether winning or losing, he encouraged them to "do what we do!" When the team lost, he showed them how they failed to "do what they do."


Dungy built the team with a few founding principles. First, they would play "no frills" football, doing ordinary tasks with extraordinary skill and consistency, rather than rely on big plays and superstar players. Second, they would build the team for long-term growth by making the most of their draft picks, picking up players who would work well within their offensive and defensive schemes, rather than trade for veterans who had played under other systems.


When Dungy and his team lost the NFC championship game in 1999 to the Rams, the Bucs owners made a few personnel changes. Tony was forced to fire Mike Shula, his offensive coordinator, even though he strongly objected. Tony felt like Mike had done an outstanding job of building a strong offense. Mike and Tony shared the same coaching philosophy. When Dungy let Mike go, he felt like he was breaking his philosophy and founding principles that had guided their team's growth. Reflecting back, he writes that letting Shula go was the decision he regrets the most in his coaching career.


Then the general manager acquired Keyshawn Johnson from the Jets in exchange for two first-round draft picks. Another major break from Dungy's founding principles. He writes on page 174, "But I believed we were moving away from some core beliefs as an organization by looking for the quick fix." In other words, the management team was failing to "do what we do."


The mantra, "do what we do" struck a chord with me. I am so often tempted to take shortcuts to make easy fixes. Probably because I am such a people-pleaser, I sometimes let the people around me push me into not "doing what we do."


One of the foundations for our church, which was put in place long before I became pastor, what that we wanted to create a casual and relaxed environment for worship. I played guitar for the worship team and would often refill my coffee before sitting down to listen to the pastor's message. I loved it! Another foundation for our church was that people take priority over programs and buildings. Buildings serve ministries and ministries serve people, and it is NEVER to be the other way around. Those principles were challenged in August of 2001 when we moved from leased space into our current facility. We also purchased brand new chairs to replace the stained and flimsy folding chairs we had used for years. At some point a decision was made to put the coffee and refreshments table in the lobby, accompanied by a sign asking people to keep all food outside of the sanctuary. The real reason? We wanted to keep our new chairs clean. We strayed from our philosophy of creating a casual and relaxed environment for worship. And we paid for it. This opened the door for other decisions to restrict and control the environment for worship.

After you have been around New Vision Church for a while, you probably begin to feel like I often repeat myself. Things like, "faith is personal, but it is not private." That is a foundation that affects our outreach and our personal growth. So I constanly encourage our folks to invite their friends. I constantly invite and encourage our members to join a LIFE group. I constantly remind our people to get to know their neighbors. I often say something like, "this is going to take all of us," and then proceed to invite our members to give of their time to some good cause. Why do I repeat myself? These are the things we do, and we need to constantly remember to "do what we do." When we introduce ourselves to visitors and new people and work to remember their names next time we see them, we are "doing what we do."

Coach Dungy tells his readers that it is okay to change our methods when they don't work, but we have to be careful when we tinker with our basic foundational principles. So if I come across as stubborn and unwilling to change in some area, it is probably because I believe we are dealing with a foundational principle that should not change, but merely needs to be executed better.

Let's "do what we do!"

The Job of the Pastor - Part 2

In my last post, I asked you to describe the job of a pastor in one word. I shared a few popular options and the reasons I cannot accept them. The rejected options were: chaplain, teacher, counselor, shepherd and CEO. There are two basic problems with these options: first, they often view faith as purely an individualistic affair; second, they often lead to consumer-minded, self-centered spirituality.

Before I go on, I need to make a couple of disclaimers. In our culture, we need chaplains, counselors, teachers and CEO’s. Second, every pastor will occasionally teach, counsel, strategize and meet the needs of individuals. What I am suggesting is that none of these is sufficient to serve as the primary, over-arching picture of my job as pastor.

After thinking through the options, readings lots of books, and serving a local church for five years, I have found an image that fits. It fits our church, our community, my personality and my spiritual gifts. It encourages our members to be faithful to God’s plans for them. I believe the best way I can view my job as pastor is to be . . . coach.

First of all, a coach is an employee, not an owner of the team. In the world of professional athletics, the coach is hired by the owner to lead a team to win games - for the benefit of the owner. I am constantly faced with the temptation to believe that New Vision is my church. When things go well, I am tempted to take the credit and glory for myself. This first fact is a reminder to me that I, as pastor, am only here because God, the owner, has called me to this place for this time. This sobering reality also frees me from much worry. You see, if I am not the owner, then the ultimate survival of the church does not rest on my shoulders. I must be faithful to the owner, but in the end, the team is his responsibility.

Second, a good coach gets personal with every player, spending time with them, encouraging them, teaching them, holding them accountable, and giving them opportunities to play. Likewise, a good pastor will get to know his members by name, pray for them, counsel them, encourage them, and spend time with them in ministry and in recreation. A good pastor is never aloof and impersonal.

Third, and connected to the last point, a coach must not exhaust himself by trying to meet the whims and wishes of each player. In other words, the comfort and happiness of each player is not the first goal for the coach. The coach must lead the team. Did you know that church is a team sport? As a pastor, I must not allow the desires of a few individuals to control the church. As your pastor, I make decisions based on what is in the best interest of God, then of the team, then of the individual members. I try hard to make sure that my decisions are especially not based on my best interests.

What do you think? Does that work for you? God is the owner, I am the coach, you all are the players, and together we are the team. I will teach, counsel, meet needs, strategize and do anything else that needs to be done- but the goal is to lead the team to win, for the glory of the owner - God. And when a young man accepts Christ- we celebrate victory! When an elderly woman joins the team- we share high-fives! When a family serves dinner to the homeless at the Rescue Mission- the team wins and the owner is glorified!

Will you join the team and play? In my next installment, I will write about how if you accept this owner-coach-team view, it will drastically affect your spirituality- for the better!

Huddle Up! On Three, “GO TEAM!” One . . . two . . . three . . .

The Job of the Pastor - Part 1

This last July I celebrated five years of serving as pastor at New Vision. I took a few minutes one day to make a list of all the different tasks that I might do at any given time in addition to preaching. Do you know how many I came up with? 78! Then I tried to condense it to a shorter list. So let me ask you. If you could only use one word, how would you describe the job of a pastor? Let’s try on a few options and see how they fit.

How about chaplain? You may have met one at the hospital- a nice fellow who visited with you, read some Scripture and prayed with you and made you feel better. How pleasant! However, I have found that when people view their pastor as their chaplain, they often view him as their personal servant, available whenever they need him and for whatever they need done. The pastor is easily viewed as, “they guy we pay to take care of us?” However, even if a pastor were able to give 24 hours every day to meeting his members’ needs, he would never be able to meet everyone’s needs. When a pastor views himself as a hired helper, burnout is often just around the corner.

How about teacher? Unfortunately, when a pastor is viewed as teacher, then faith is often viewed as a set of facts, members are viewed as students, the church as a school and the Bible as simply a textbook to be studied. And a person never graduates! I firmly believe that Christianity is not merely an intellectual pursuit, but it is a whole-life adventure! So teacher just doesn’t cover all the bases.

How about spiritual counselor? This option also has several problems. First of all, have you ever driven to your doctor’s office just to hang out with the other patients? No. That would be weird. As I have stated many times, Christianity is personal, but not private and individualistic. But let’s examine this option further. Counselors work with patients who have problems. If a pastor takes this option, ministry becomes very negative and problem-focused. So this is not a good option.

How about shepherd? After all, this option is even found in Scripture. I am sure it is a great option, but we city folks cannot adequately imagine the shepherding of Jesus’ time. We think of sheep who just walk around and eat and get into trouble, and lonely shepherds who feed them and pet them! But the Bible tells us in many other places that church members are to be active in ministry and service to others. When was the last time you saw a sheep helping another out of a bind?

Finally, some folks like the CEO option. This model is full of potholes, including the reality that the church is not a business and our bottom-line is not measured in dollars. Pastors are not to be power-hungry strategists who only hang out with the executives. Pastors must be wise, hardworking, and effective, but also personal and caring. So this option is a bust.
So what is the best option? “What,” you may say, “is your choice, Pastor Jason?” If you want to find out, find a whistle, and read The Job of the Pastor- Part 2